Things I Have Learned From Showing Dogs

I’ve learned that if you wear gold lame shoes while showing your dog, no one will remember the dog but they’ll never forget your feet.

I’ve learned that everyone else looks like their dog, not me.

I’ve learned that the most attractive outfits, the ones that make you look 15 lbs. lighter and three inches taller, don’t come with pockets.

I’ve learned that the words, “Congratulations, you have the better dog,” doesn’t sound anything like those words when you clench your teeth and swallow your tongue as you say them.

I’ve learned that if the words, “Congratulations, you have the better dog,”are said to you, they’re never said loud enough.

I’ve learned that your dog’s performance in the ring is directly related to whether or not you have friends coming to watch you. Just how badly you and your dog do has everything to do with how many witnesses are present to watch you.

I’ve learned that there IS no graceful way to recover from a fall in the ring when your dress flies over your head and catches on your front teeth.

I’ve learned that when you have a dog that’s on a winning tear, you suddenly have friends who are people you don’t know.

I’ve learned that when you make a major mistake in the ring, clutching at your chest and yelling, “It’s the big one” doesn’t fool anyone, least of all your dog who only looks embarrassed.

I’ve learned that W.C.Fields had it right when he said to avoid working next to children because they steal the show.

I’ve learned never to tell a judge they have food in their teeth, particularly when they’re examining your dog’s bite.

I’ve learned that some judges have no sense of humor.

I’ve learned that large dogs make fools of people unused to showing a dog of that size while toy dogs are quickly dispatched by people accustomed to showing a far bigger dog.

I’ve learned that next to needlepoint stores, dog show vendors are the most trusting when it comes to taking personal checks.

I’ve learned that picking up your own dog’s waste with a skimpy Paper towel isn’t as revolting as picking up someone else’s dog waste with a front end loader.

My dogs have learned that someone else’s bait is always tastier than what I give them.

I’ve learned that the very best parking spaces have orange cones saving them for someone else.

I’ve learned that orange cones crush pretty easily.

I’ve found that the very best people – and the very worst – can be found in our sport.